It's not easy to trust or be trusted

Today you left. I was alone. There's so many things I want to tell u when you online. I want to tell you I'm a good girl at school just now, lonely, had a beautiful nightmare while I sleep, sleepy, missing you and mummy bought something cute and fluffy for me at Universal Studios (or maybe it wasn't for me cause I asked for it in the car).

The only thing I don't want to tell you is the only thing that wanna makes me live in denial. The very mistake I've made for looking at it due to curiosity. I didn't mean to look at it. It breaks my heart so much. Thanked God I didn't choke to death since I cry while eating sushi. I realized I shouldn't touch or do anything without your permission. I just act due to my emotions, it was childish. I feel like a fool now. You then don't wanna let me know you do care about some stuff, it's still valuable to you yet you're scared I'll get angry or sad.

I will be sad, but what makes you think I would like to be hidden from the truth? I know I didn't ask you. But baby why do you have to act like you don't care about it anymore when you do...? You should just tell me.

Then when I came home, you asked me about him. You said that I replace someone for you. You said I flirt. You said it's ok to replace you for someone but not always. You kept saying you don't like to be lied. Well fuck it cause this is why I told you please don't think of me so good cause when something happen and the situation seems to fit my personality then it fucking breaks your heart. It makes you believe that person and not me. It makes you cautious and keep asking the same question to me and to yourself whether you can trust me or not. It breaks my heart too baby.

Just let me know if you don't trust me, cause it seems like. I think it'll be hard to even just believe you will trust me. Its not just you who have gone through a lot with people betraying, lying, cheating on you. I did gone through that too about it that's why it's hard to believe when you say you trust me. When you know this, you'll be saying it's not what you think cause I do trust you. I've heard it again and again and again till i'm tired of it. I tried to believe it but it's not easy. It never is...

I love you.